Bomaderry was b e a u tiful
i read animal farm in train

i spend today  reading Charlotte’s blog
if that is indeed her name
she’s a sex worker
she lives in washington
and she doesn’t really need the money
what she does defines her
i envy her life
bizarre

3rd time i find anyone’s writings so incredibly alive
3rd time i spend my days reading someone’s blog from front to end
3rd time i read something more than once
Sher
Zofia
and Charlotte

i wonder how many more people are out there
alive
awake
aware

i feel i’m weird
and they are all normal
i feel i’m missing on life

FLA?
sustainable relationships?
charlot’s boyfriend(s)?

i’ll go to back to sleep soon

i’m tired
so is she
but
will she ever know ?

i know what’s wrong
i know how to fix it
what i dont understand is
why dont i just do it?

i hate her while loving her
and she makes it even harder

today i worked as a general laborer shifting orange boxes
it was one of my ” A ha” moments
i’ve been getting a lot of those lately
i remember pushing laborers on site in that weather
shouting and complaining
i was on the other side of the scene today
even with Sydney breeze  and cold water
i begged for mercy

i travelled to sydney
life is pretty much the same
it is not where am i
but what am i that defines my life

i m in a long distnace relationship
im trying(?) to make it work
it’s barely working

i’m scared
i’m confused
i’m all over the place