it will get monotonous shortly after
no matter how many times you try
mo matter how bad you want or how hard you try
BUT LET IT ALL BEGIN!

If we do not cut carbon by 90% by 2030 then carbon emissions in the atmosphere reach 430 parts per million, and that is the point at which unequivocally, most of the world’s major ecosystems go into positive feedback. The biosphere becomes a net source of carbon dioxide, and then the game is out of our hands. It has got nothing to do with us any more, because there’s not a thing we can do to stop it. The ecosystems on which we have relied to absorb carbon dioxide, they start producing it. It is a fight against what we have become. It is a fight against our own inherent tendencies to desire and consume and grab more and more and more. The biggest fight of our lives, ladies and gentlemen, the biggest fight of our lives is not out there, it is in here. [our mind]

i made breakfast today for all 4 of us
pancakes, bacon and scrambled egg with cheese and mushroom
fresh orange and mandarin juice
as i turn to put the last pancake from pan to the plate
i freeze momentarily by sight of a dark grid formed
by  light through the window on the kitchen counter
and just for a short while, i feel i’m still in my apartment
standing barefoot in kitchen, leaning against the dish washer
having cornflakes while staring at the shadows formed on the counter
everywhere everyone’s asleep on the verge of dawn and i’m high on life
awake and eager to unfold the day
i travel back just to find everyone’s staring at me
frozen standing there with pan in one hand
as lost as always
and the whole morning i’m wondering
how long ago was it?
what happened to those days?
feels as if it was in another life, as if it was someone else
not necessarily happy, but bittersweet

i thought i had forgotten the taste of  bloodoranges

That is what we are supposed to do when we are at our best—make it
all up—but make it up so truly that later it will happen that way.
Ernest Hemingway

i wonder at times
which is more important
the precision or its consistency
maybe it has nothing to do with either of the two
maybe it’s more about repeatability

my biggest fear tonight
is to wake up a sunny morning
stretch my arms and toes
and utterly believe i’m something that i’m truly not
we waste so much life pretending

today marks the six months after.
after what exactly, i haven’t yet quite figured out.
perhaps after leaving the life as i knew it
or six months after i saw my sister
six months after i last saw sher
six months or more after i last waved goodbye to some of my most dearest friends

have lost and gained a lot in this short while
and been trying to pick myself up from down below
to make a sense of this madness
maybe i don’t really have to be anything
maybe i don’t really have to do anything
maybe i should care
maybe i should just let go

but all in all, i’m very much the same
living very much the same life minus the toys and luxuries
it’s not the sky that’s the same everywhere i go
cause here even the sky has a different shade
but its me and what’s within me that’s always the same
so six months after what exactly?

or maybe i should change?
or maybe i should forget?
or maybe i should forgo?

i’m off to bed
i haven’t had shitty nights like this in a while,
not feeling nostalgic but what’s with me again?