“Pursuing happiness, and I did, and still do, is not at all the same as being happy- which I think is fleeting, dependent on circumstances, and a bit bovine.
If the sun is shining, stand in it- yes, yes, yes. Happy times are great, but happy times pass- they have to- because time passes.
The pursuit of happiness is more elusive; it is lifelong, and it is not goal-centred.
What you are pursuing is meaning- a meaningful life. There’s the hap- the fate, the draw that is yours, and it isn’t fixed, but changing the course of the stream, or dealing new cards, whatever metaphor you want to use- that’s going to take a lot of energy. There are times when it will go so wrong that you will barely be alive, and times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a bloated half-life on someone else’s terms.”
em is off to ny in few days time… not sure if i care much to be honest…guess that ship has sunk
it’s amazing how quickly your priorities change in life…
if only she knew how much i care…
i felt broken when she told me about her relationships… 6 years is not a joke…
maybe i shouldn’t have asked… maybe i shouldn’t have left….haven’t been able to sleep right since we talked!
i had this dream the other night
ghosts of the pasts…something about it turned me on beyond belief… there was no words
but then a fire broke out…and i think i failed to get out… don’t remember much now
sher once sent me this quote…
"we don't change. we just become more comfortable with our core misery, which is a form of happiness"
i wrote it down in one of the notebooks she had got me… but it seemed too negative on the surface and i was too engaged otherwise at the time to think of it much…
now i can relate to it somehow…not that it’s a great quote …but life feels more comforting when you can fit in within your own skin…. does this make any sense? i feel comfortable with me… the urge to impress everyone is not there any more .. no … don’t get me wrong… i never seek for attention… but i felt i had to impress a few in my life… one being my dad…thought i had to do something extra ordinary… something great… now i’m quite happy being just me…
i have discovered things about myself, simple things. things i never had really paid attention to before. like the fact that i can’t talk… i don’t have that grasp over any one particular language to transfer my thoughts… maybe because i grew up in different parts of the world…. maybe i was lazy… maybe in the next life?
