chocking inside this body
maybe i’m only as good as a friend
as good as a friend is all i’ll be
she’s scared to lose a friend
doesn’t she know?
i’m the crappiest friend anyone can ever have!

yet i’m always only as good as a friend…

vance ate my new year gold fishes alive
with two glass of water he says
cause that’s what they do in new Zealand
they eat live gold fishes with two shots of Taquilla
my gold fishes

i dont belong in this world
i dont wanna be just as good as a friend
i dont want my gold fishes being eaten alive
i dont want to feel [maybe] loved

my devotion is handicapped by laziness! ??
or has it been bounded by all the things past
or is it just in my own way

I don’t even know

i never used to dream
i dont know what is happening
something is going on

there was a revolution
and i was part of it
a lot of people died
and in the middle
i followed pleasure instead
until i realized i need to get out
when i find an end
i woke up

she was here
on my bed
in my arms
people just on the other side of curtain
and i was amazed
she didnt care at all
i was the only person she saw

then she wasnt here
and i was looking for her
and i traveled across Indian ocean
just to get to her
she didn’t know where she was
she’s not good in giving directions
and i couldn’t get the phone working

something happened today
i haven’t quite figured out

love is not a fly-trap— it shouldn’t be a devouring and a painful affair,
love is free
and it wasn’t for her

maybe in time
time is by far the most powerful force i’ve witnessed
time can turn black into white
love into hate
hate into love

time will change me
time will make me whole
time will make us free

we can all be free
maybe

Let us linger here awhile in the foolishness of things.
Unknown

i think this break is the best thing that could have happened to us
opened my eyes
opened her eyes

i encouraged her to get to know someone who’s interested in her
someone who is “exactly her type” she claims
i was even surprised by my suggestion
but the more we go
the more i understand that i only want her happiness
even if that means me not being a part of her life
if she’ll be happy i think i can manage
i love her this way though she might never understand

and i thought stacking orange boxes were hard
try horse shit and fertilizer bags

i feel fine/nothing?
even if i’m living a lie
even if she’s been unfaithful
i’m still happy i’ve stood by my word
i dont regret not going
i dont regret not being with them
i’m a better person as a result
i stood by my values
it has nothing to do with her
let her do whatever she feels right
whatever that makes her happy
(:

i’m grateful to her
i really enjoy psychology
i think if it wasn’t for mark , i would have liked it much more

has she been faithful?
does she have any ego defense mechanism?
do i have any?
i know a couple of times I’ve been tempted here
but i stopped my self from being places ,
from being with people,
and my only explanation to myself was her
then at nights,
i just hugged my pillow thinking of her,
cause it just wouldn’t be fair to her any other way

would she be honest?
or like first time around i’m living a lie again
i’m tired.